The Call In The Wild
(Nature's call)

Copyright 2002 by Junior Doughty

For nature's call in the wild If you're in the woods during deer season and you need to do what bears do in the woods, the very last thing you should do is flash white underwear or toilet paper when you drop your pants or wipe your butt. If some fool sees the flash of white and thinks it's a deer's flag, the act of dropping your pants or wiping your butt might be your last mortal act on this earth. Think about your heirs explaining your death. "Well, dear ol' Dad was wiping his ass, and a drunk redneck with a 300 mag . . . ."

On the left of the photo, see a pair of shorts I dyed green. I have several pairs of green shorts, and I wear them when woods camping and on long hunts. The elastic stayed semi-white, but that's unavoidable.

In the center see a roll of brown paper hand towels I bought at Ace hardware for $2.19. I keep a couple of short sheets in a shirt pocket for nose tissue, and I keep a couple of long sheets in a pants cargo pocket for butt tissue.

On the right see my greatest invention—a penis extension. It's a 4" section of 1" PVC pipe spray painted green to eliminate a flash of white. It's for urinating while wearing several layers of clothing. (Don't laugh unless you're built like John Holmes.) After use, shake it dry and store it in a Zip sandwich bag to eliminate odor. I keep mine in the cargo pocket with my butt tissue. If you know a heart patient who, like me, must wear many layers of clothing to stay warm, inform that person about this simple little device.

Happy cold weather hunting!!!!!!!!!


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